Letting Go Of A Relationship

When it comes to emotional triggers, we feel at the mercy of the effects. And because we get triggered so quickly that we can't stop it, we first think that we won't have any way of dealing with those effects.

As we become a little more savvy and investigative, we decide that if we can figure out what triggers us, we'll be able to avoid it, or manage it. And truly with self-awareness - the knowledge of what makes us crazy, each and every time - we do, over time, get the brass ring of decreased blind reactivity. But the higher and more useful awareness is simply knowing that we do get triggered, and in which situations. And for whatever reason we may get triggered, we need to become better at monitoring our responses - being in the witness state - when that happens.

I have a friend -  who has hurt my feelings many, many times. My idea of friendship is not his idea of friendship, and yet the love we have for each other has stopped each of us at one time or another from walking away for good.

No amount of communication, no number of attempts at understanding have either bridged the communication gap or changed the behaviors of his that have offended and hurt me for so many years, while I at one time or another backed away from my own behaviors that would be standard with anyone else but him. And I tried many, many ways of honoring my love for him and our friendship.

I tried compassionate understanding of his wounded past.

I tried communicating my needs.

I tried staying away.

I tried letting it all go.

I tried understanding what triggers me in his reactions, and attempting not to be either surprised by nor affected by it.

And, finally, I tried pushing past my resistance to being truly forceful with my communications (I was afraid that it would drive him away for good, which in fact it didn't!)... but none of it worked.

Sometimes, after all of the tools have been tried, it is simply time to walk away. But the key to this moment of giving up on communication is wholly dependent on whether or not you have tried all of the tools at your disposal.

If you have, it is not unkind to leave, it is compassionate to you and the other. It is a bow to peace. And while it may break your heart a little, or a lot, you will be communicating to yourself that you honor your need for that peace over your need for one particular person. And that will fill your spirit with strength.




Lori Kirstein is a professional actress, self-published author and founder of Possibilities! Communication Seminars. A lover of emotional freedom, self-expression and personal growth, Lori offers newsletters and audio downloads about effective communication and masterful public speaking through emotional freedom. Just go to http://www.PossibilitiesSeminars.com and sign up for your free membership. You'll learn communication/presentation tricks of the trade from someone who broke out of depression and confusion to become a communicator and self-expressive performer. And you will join a growing community of people who want to better their emotional skillset, and their relationships.



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